Pretty Much Screwed
by Blackstar4
Summary: Willow has PMS and poor Spike is confused. Rated R for language and the start of something. I've changed some things, so tell me if it's better or not! Please review!


Pretty Much Screwed  
  
It was a beautiful day in Sunnydale. Willow awoke to a warm, sunny morning with birds singing and cute chipmunks running around.  
  
As she headed towards the bathroom, it struck her. It was that time of month.  
  
For those who are completely lost, let me fill you in. This is PMS (Pre- Menstrual Syndrome). A time of massive mood swings, usually resulting in silly and insane behavior. Add a powerful Wiccan witch to the mix, and you've got a problem.  
  
Usually, there are pills you could take to dull the effect, but silly Willow forgot to buy more last month.  
  
So Willow, feeling as I like to call it, loopy, decides to face the day minus medication  
  
All the hellmouth-ish creatures cringed in fear as they sensed a powerful disturbance in the force.  
  
Walking into the home of Giles, Willow is overcome with happiness.(I did mention the tremendous mood swings?)  
  
She gave Giles a hug, then sat down with a grin that would make the insane jealous.  
  
Giles still dazed about the hug, supposes that Willow is just a tad bit chipper this morning.  
  
"Willow, a favor, please? Could you go give Spike a mug of blood?"  
  
Willow, who is still overwhelmingly happy, agrees.  
  
She skips upstairs, miraculously not spilling any blood, and into the bathroom.  
  
Willow gazed at the handsome, bleached vampire chained to the bathtub.  
  
~ He looks so sexy tied up in the bathtub ~ Willow thought to herself.  
  
Spike had heard Willow coming up the stairs, and he was hungry.  
  
"Are you going to just stand there or what?" Spike sat up, waiting for his blood.  
  
Suddenly, Willow became mad.  
  
"You know, if it wasn't for us, you would be dead. Again." Willow glared at the man in the tub. "You would have starved, or had someone kill you, or the Initiative could have gotten you again. I could turn you over to them. Wouldn't you like being examined?"  
  
Spike was at a loss of what to say.  
  
"Well, I-"  
  
"No! I know you're evil and like to kill people but we helped you anyway! You've tried to kill Buffy every time you met her, you've almost killed me a number of times, and with the others it's the same! You don't deserve this! I should kick you out of the house right now!"  
  
"But it's daytime!" Spike was seriously worried. Being unable to defend himself, the red-head might actually do it.  
  
"Well then, we won't be seeing you any more, will we!?" Willow was so mad, she was shaking. The mug of blood sat on the sink, forgotten.  
  
Spike tried to negotiate. "But Red-"  
  
Don't you know my real name?"  
  
"Uh, Willow! Yeah, Willow, that's it, right?"  
  
"Why do you care, you're just a stupid vampire. You probably don't know any of our names, besides Buffy. Everyone knows her."  
  
Bam! Mood swing coming around again!  
  
"Nobody cares about little ol' Willow. I'm the Slayer's shadow, the bookworm. Well, actually, I'm the computer girl, but you know. I'm the good girl, who always is kidnapped and threatened and used as a bargaining tool. Do you know how many times I've been kidnapped?  
  
"Well, I guess-"  
  
"First, I was taken to be sacrificed so the Master could rise again. That wasn't fun at all."  
  
"I would think it-"  
  
"Then, when Buffy took that box of spiders, Faith took me in for ransom. I would be dead I hadn't floated that pencil and if the mayor hadn't walked in."  
  
~ Spiders? Pencils? ~ Spike was terribly confused, but Willow wasn't done.  
  
"And then you, with the whole bottle in face thing." Willow looked at him accusingly.  
  
"I was drunk!"  
  
"Then, you were going to kill me in my own dorm room!"  
  
"You invited me!" Spike said it before he realized the consequences.  
  
"I was sad because Oz left. Why did he leave? We were happy, until that Veruca bitch came along. She really was a bitch, too. But, I loved Oz. Was it me? Do you think I chased him off? I mean, we never fought and I never was mad at him, even when he almost killed me when he was a werewolf. He always was there for me, and." Willow started to cry.  
  
Spike had no idea what was going on.  
  
"Oh, don't cry. I doubt it was you. the wolf didn't know what he was leaving."  
  
"But I loved him!"  
  
"Maybe he didn't deserve you."  
  
"You're just saying that to get your blood."  
  
"No! but it would be nice to have it." Spike tried his best to imitate Angel's puppy eyes and failed.  
  
Willow remembered the reason for coming into the bathroom. She grabbed the mug and held it as Spike drank from the straw. This seemed funny to her.  
  
"You look like a little kid who can't drink from a cup yet."  
  
Spike glared at her, and continued to drink.  
  
"Like a defenseless puppy. All I have to do is pull it away." Willow pulled the mug away from Spike, who was still annoyed at the puppy remark.  
  
"Hey, don't do that!" Spike tried to say this with a straw in his mouth.  
  
"See? Another reason why you need us. You can't even feed yourself."  
  
"I could if I was unchained! Now, if you could bring that back here.."  
  
"Maybe you could ask nicely for a change." Willow waved it under his nose, but kept it our of his reach. "Or have you forgotten how to?"  
  
"Just let me have some blood"  
  
"Ah ah, what if I don't want to?"  
  
"Pet, please-"  
  
"When is my name 'Pet'?"  
  
"Willow, please can I have my blood?"  
  
"Okay! That wasn't too hard now, wasn't it?" She brought the mug near enough for Spike to drink and waited until he was done.  
  
"You know what I think? I think you like it here. Nothing to worry about, just sit in the tub and have blood served to you."  
  
"Are you mad? I sit in the bloody tub, nothing to do. Then, I am forced to be fed pig's blood by the watcher. I can't hit anyone, much less kill, and you think I enjoy this!?"  
  
"Well, if you say it in that tone! Wait, I have an idea!" Willow got up and ran downstairs.  
  
Spike, being confused ever since Willow danced up the stairs with his blood, had not a clue at was going on. He tried to overhear the conversation downstairs, but couldn't make out anything. He could hear Willow coming up the stairs a few minutes later.  
  
"Giles has to go do something tonight and I volunteered to watch you!"  
  
"May I ask why?"  
  
"You'll see. See you tonight!" Willow left, leaving a very confused Spike.  
  
At this time we go forward in time so it really isn't at this time because that is past. Any way, it is now nighttime.  
  
"Now Willow, you don't have to do this."  
  
"No, no. it's no problem. I'll just do my homework like a good girl."  
  
Giles decided to heck with it, nothing's going to happen. "If he gets hungry, heat up some blood for two minutes. Usually, he's quiet."  
  
"You sound like a parent who hired a baby-sitter. But don't worry, I got it under control."  
  
After Giles's car was out of sight, Willow ran upstairs. She walked into the bathroom where, as we all know, Spike sat chained.  
  
"Ready to go?" Willow asked.  
  
"Go? What do you mean, go? I'm tied to the bloody bathtub!"  
  
"Ah, you forgot one thing." Willow opened the drawer under the sink and dug around for a while.  
  
She pulled out a key. "Ah ha! Found it!" Willow walked over to Spike.  
  
"Now, you have to promise on your unlife to not run away. If they find out you left, I never will be trusted with anything ever again. Promise?" She demonstrated the proper way to use puppy eyes.  
  
"I promise. If I did run off, the slayer would stake me in a heartbeat."  
  
"Not as if you have one." Willow mumbled as she unlocked the padlocks. Almost instantly, Spike threw them off. He stood up, clearly happy.  
  
"Now, we're going for a walk. You must stay in my sight or I'll find you and bring you home. The hard way."  
  
"But what if I want you to do it the hard way?" Spike gave her a look that showed he was kidding.  
  
~ Not that I would mind. Bad Willow! But he does look really yummy. ~ Willow smiled to herself.  
  
"Ready? Let's go!"  
  
Once again we are going for a little trip through time and space to where Willow is skipping down the street. I'm having loads of fun being narrator.  
  
Willow skipped down the street. She had a stake in her hand, for even in her PMS state, she wasn't an idiot. She knew Spike was somewhere nearby.  
  
Suddenly, Willow was knocked to the ground. She stood up to face the attacker, eyes blazing. A vampire stood before her, smirking. She didn't have time to think before the vamp charged her. Willow was thrown against a wall and before she could get back up, he was on her.  
  
The vampire pulled Willow to her feet.  
  
"Aren't you fiery, I think I'll keep you." He pulled Willow's head to the side, exposing her neck. Willow tried to wiggle free, but he was too strong.  
  
Just as the vampire was about to bite her, he froze, and exploded into dust.  
  
Willow slouched to the ground, holding her neck as she looked at her rescuer. She expected to see Buffy, but instead she saw a vamped out Spike.  
  
"I can kill demons!" Spike was amazed at the fact that he was headache free. He returned to his normal, handsome, human features.  
  
Willow was grateful, but worried. What if the chip has stopped working?  
  
"Spike, no headache?"  
  
"None at all, why?"  
  
She stood up and held out her arm. "Hit my hand, please."  
  
Spike looked at her, surprised at her bravery. He slapped her hand, and fell over, holding his head.  
  
"Ah! Bloody Christ!" Spike swore.  
  
"Well, I guess you can only kill demons and other things that rose from the dead." Willow was relieved. "Thanks for saving me. You could have let him kill me and moved in to drink, you know. Not that I'm giving you any ideas, mind you."  
  
"I couldn't just let him-" He stopped.  
  
"Wha-?" Willow didn't have a chance to finish before Spike covered her mouth with his hand.  
  
"Hush. The slayer." He whispered.  
  
"What are we going to do? If she sees you."  
  
"Come on, in here." Spike led Willow into the crypt behind them.  
  
Buffy walked over to the where Spike and Willow just were. She had heard fighting, and noticed a bunch of dust.  
  
~ Guess whoever it was, they handled themselves ~ She walked away, continuing with her patrolling.  
  
Meanwhile, inside the crypt..  
  
"Is she gone?" Willow asked Spike, who was standing at the door.  
  
"Yes, but we can't leave, she might find us."  
  
"So we're stuck here? How are we going to get back to Giles'?"  
  
"Do you know when the she finishes her slaying duties?" Spike walked over to sit on stone platform.  
  
"Well, it depends on who she's fighting." Willow sat down too "I guess we're going to be here a while."  
  
5 minutes later  
  
(I'm sure getting the hang of this time traveling stuff. lol)  
  
"I'm bored, is there anything in here we could do? You're dead, what can you do in a crypt?" Willow looked at Spike anxiously.  
  
"Well, it depends. The dead person in this," he patted the stone platform, "is just lying there, unless he's up and walking around."  
  
"But we're alive, if that's what I could call you, so what do we do?"  
  
"I've done lots of things in crypts, but I doubt you're up to it."  
  
"Like what?" Spike gave her a look. "Oh, that. You know, why doesn't anyone think I would do stuff like that? I mean, I've done it before, but I heard it could be a lot better then Oz did it. I never told him that, though. Still, he seemed to really good at it with Veruca." Her eyes got dangerously moist.  
  
"So you aren't a virgin?" Spike just couldn't accept the fact.  
  
"Why is that so hard to believe?"  
  
"Well, you just seem like someone who wouldn't, oh, damn." Spike realized he had made a mistake.  
  
"What!" Willow jumped up and spun to face him. "I'm sick to death of that crap. Angel said stuff like that when he turned evil. That I'm so little and defenseless, it's a real turn on, he said." She started to pace back and forth. "Then, I had to be rescued. Again!"  
  
Spike tried to say something, but Willow kept rambling on.  
  
"And this time, it was Xander who saved me! Can you believe it?"  
  
Spike got up and gripped her shoulders.  
  
"Stop it. That is done and over with. The poof has his soul back and is brooding away in LA" Willow pulled away from him.  
  
"He wasn't the only one." She glared at him as she said this. "Everyone thinks that, he was just the first to say it out loud." Then, she started laughing. PMS moment!  
  
Poor Spike didn't know what to do this has been a very strange day.  
  
Willow fell to the ground, tears running down her face. The insane laughter didn't seem to be ending any time soon. Spike knelt down, trying to quiet her down.  
  
Finally, Willow broke off into giggles, and then stopped all together. Spike decided that this was too much and headed for the door.  
  
"See? Every guy I meet and get to know leaves me. Do you know about Percy? He called me a nerd. The nerve!" Willow wiped her eyes off as Spike chose to stay.  
  
"I could have shown him what I could do, but at the time, well, I don't know."  
  
"He was a sodden idiot to do that to you." Spike said, in an effort to comfort her.  
  
"You really think so? You know, you're kind of sweet, once you get past the 'I'm a big, bad killer' thing."  
  
"Stop rubbing it in, Pet."  
  
"Depends on what I'm rubbing.oops! I didn't say that out loud did I?" Willow started to turn an attractive shade of pink.  
  
Spike just stared at her. When did she become such a spitfire?  
  
~ Wonder how she is in bed, wait! If the slayer ever knew I was thinking that she would stake me in a second. ~ Spike shook his head, trying to make the thoughts go away.  
  
"I'm sorry, am I not allowed to be horny at times? I'm not allowed to have any sexual feelings about anyone? You're just as bad as the others."  
  
"No, wait! It's just, I didn't think any off the slayer's group would think that about me and damn, I sound like a poof." Willow giggled.  
  
"You think that's funny, but it's a serious issue. Just look at what it did to Peaches!" Willow laughed louder.  
  
Spike decided to wait until she stopped laughing, which lasted about 5 minutes. Then Willow just stared at Spike.  
  
"What?" Spike said.  
  
"Are you ticklish?" Willow asked.  
  
"Am I what!?"  
  
"Ticklish."  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"So if I did this."  
  
"Aah!! No!! Don't!!"  
  
"You are! You lied!"  
  
"That's what vampires do."  
  
"I didn't know vampires were ticklish."  
  
"Well, most aren't."  
  
"I can't wait until I tell Buffy." Willow got a thoughtful look on her face.  
  
"No! If you tell Slutty I'll-"  
  
"What? Lick me? Ooh." Willow turned bright red.  
  
"What are you thinking about, Red?" Spike smirked at Willow.  
  
"Nothing, nothing. Empty mind. Very boring thoughts. Um."  
  
"Can I guess what you were thinking?"  
  
"Depends on what you think I'm thinking."  
  
"So you're still thinking it?" Spike's smirk got bigger.  
  
"Maybe, but we may never know."  
  
"Are you sure about that, luv?"  
  
"What's with all the questions?" Willow asked.  
  
"Am I asking too many questions?" Spike wanted to know.  
  
"Do you think you are?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"I win!!" Willow jumped up and down. (I was watching Whose Line Is It Anyway when I wrote this)  
  
Once again, Spike was confused. The red-headed witch was nothing like he remembered. Whatever was different, he liked it.  
  
~ To hell with the Slayer, I'm making this girl mine. ~ He thought.  
  
"What do you want as a prize?" Spike asked in a velvety voice.  
  
"Well, it depends on what my choices are." Willow said, her voice equally low.  
  
"Pet-" Before he could finish, Willow jumped on Spike, kissing him full on the lips. Spike gasped, startled. Willow took the opportunity to access his mouth with her tongue.  
  
Spike deepened the kill as he lifted her onto the stone platform. He pulled off Willow's shirt with experienced ease.  
  
Willow broke away. "No fair, I'm half naked and you're all clothed."  
  
Spike smiled, as he pulled off his duster and shirt. Then he returned to Willow. The kissing continues as they both explore each other's body.  
  
Soon, he had pulled off both their pants and almost had Willow's undies off when he noticed something. A little string was blocking his entrance.  
  
Spike looked at Willow, as she realized why he had stopped.  
  
"Oh, Goddess, I forgot." Willow grabbed her underwear and started to put them back on. "I can't do this now."  
  
"What the hell was that!?" Spike asked as he retrieved his own pants.  
  
"Well, um, I'm having that thing us girls get every month." She turned many shades of red.  
  
"So that was."  
  
"A tampon." Willow turned an even deeper red.  
  
"Oh." Spike tossed Willow her bra. They finished dressing in silence.  
  
"Was that why you were asking so strange?" Spike asked when they were done.  
  
"I guess. I couldn't control it, it just happened. Do you think we could go back to Giles' now?"  
  
Spike peered out the door. "The coast is clear, let's go."  
  
As they walked back to Giles' house, they didn't speak. They would glance at each other every and smile to themselves, but they were too deep in thought to do anything else.  
  
When they got there, Spike opened the door for Willow. As she walked in, she was attacked by a blond creature.  
  
"Willow! You're okay! Where were you!?" Buffy asked Willow as she hugged the red-head. Then she saw Spike. "What the hell is going on?"  
  
Willow and Spike looked at each other, trying to figure out how to explain themselves.  
  
"I guess we're caught, Red." Spike said to Willow.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll explain. See you next week." Willow gave him an impish grin.  
  
She turned back to Buffy. "Okay, it started out as a beautiful day in Sunnydale.."  
  
The End  
  
(giggle) 


End file.
